you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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