He is like the real live version of the state fair..
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
