drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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