Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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