Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
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