my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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