Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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