I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
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