so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
