I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
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