We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
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you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
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he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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