Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
