I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
