She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
