I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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