When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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