You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
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