The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
