these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
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