Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
