and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
