I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
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