in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Still dying that you shit outside
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
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