My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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