I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
