well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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