I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Randomize
