You work out of a Hotel?
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
being pregnant is like rehab
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
