At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
