Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
