She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Someone shattered a urinal.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
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