This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Randomize
