I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
