I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
