I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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