She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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