The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
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