its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
