tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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