I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Randomize
