Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
accomplished twins. life is a go
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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