she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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