I am spending my child support on dildos
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
