hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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