so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
