Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
