I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
