just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
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