The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize