Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
