We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
That accounts for only three of the penises
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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