dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Randomize
