when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Randomize
