I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Randomize
