Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
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i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
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