Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
