i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
