i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
