he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
