4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
