What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
