At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I need to wash the frat house off of me
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
