there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
