does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
