I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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