just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
