Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
