i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
No more Irish car bombs ever.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
