He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
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I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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