My hair reeks of homosexuality.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
