I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
He shit in the fireplace
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
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