I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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