If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
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