So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
