matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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