An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
