The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
